Looking For The Brighter Side

So another day dawns...yay, right? It was an OK day until I get to work and yet again this week the powers that be sit us all down for another talk about the state of affairs in the company. While they had spent most of the time Monday trying to instill some hope and calm some fears, this second meeting proved otherwise. They began with asking for people who would be willing to volunteer for a lay off (yeah, I'm not jumping on that boat!) and that they were cutting our work week back to 4 days, starting next week. Not exactly the morale boosting type of meeting one would hope for. Needless to say this left me with a sour feeling in my stomach as I headed into the lab to face the music with my department's supervisor. She, I have to say, gave me a much more positive outlook saying that I didn't have as much to worry about as others, as our department is fundamental to several aspects of the company and that the only way I'd be leaving is if she was...because if we don't have work, she doesn't have work. Plus telling me that since I was familiar with several different areas, that my being cross-trained boded well for my position. While I appreciate her efforts to make me feel better about my job, it still makes me uneasy to think that the company just might go under. For one, I really enjoy working here, I actually do. There's a laid back, easy going vibe that I have certainly come to appreciate. The freedom that I have in my position is probably the best aspect of working here, being able to do things my way, at my own pace, not everyone gets that opportunity in their positions. I enjoy working for my supervisor, she's always been supportive and understanding to anything I've ever brought to her and has always made me feel like a valuable person to her team. Plus I have the great benefit of working with some pretty entertaining people, most of them pretty decent human beings. So to be in fear of having to leave all of this behind and start all over again...it's just not something I want to do. I hate looking for a job, they are so hard to find...and proving hard to keep! I've been here a little over 2 years and have gotten comfortable in my routine and to have to start out with new co-workers, in a new job, just isn't all that appealing. Granted I never pictured myself making something like this my career, I am thankful for it. Guess we'll see what happens, what the future holds, hopefully it'll be a bit brighter than it is now...

Remember - You're Better Than That

I've thought about starting one of these online blog things for awhile now...just kept putting it off for some unbeknownst reason. Guess today is as good a day as any to begin. I sometimes post random thoughts in my MySpace blog but it's never anything consistent and usually about something that has either pissed me off or depressed me. But if it weren't for outlets such as that, I'd be a ticking timebomb just waiting to go off. There have been so many times in my life that I have been thankful for the ability to find the words that I need. Usually written because I can never seem to get my mind to move quite as quickly as I'd like, but thankful nonetheless. It's just easier to be able to sit down and actually form a whole thought, to think about what you want to say, thinking before you speak can be an invaluable asset that some lack. I know I'm grateful when the opportunity allows me really think about something before I say it because I hate when I say things that I cannot take back. I've been thinking all night about what I would post about here in my first entry. I know there are somethings that have been bothering me but do I really want to start this out on a negative foot? Not really, but...when what is on your mind is on your mind, what else can you do?

I've just recently in the last couple of weeks started seeing a really sweet guy who seems to genuinely unquestionably like me, just as I am like me. Now I know a lot of people search for a long time for someone who just likes them as they are and I am thankful to have been introduced to him, ironically on the day after my least favorite day of the year, Valentine's Day. We've spent every day since we met together atleast for some period of time, guess that's the "honeymoon" phase, right? He's met my friends, some of my family, and all have given "thumbs up", so far so good, right? Well, I should have known better. Every time I get a little bit of happiness something's just got to rain on my parade. This time it's someone who just no matter how nice you've been to her cannot find a decent thing to say about you. She is one of the most naturally miserable people I have met in my life. If she's not happy, she'll do her damnedest to make sure the rest of the world joins her in her misery. I probably have not actually seen her in nearly a year and lucky me...she ends up being one of the best friends of his sister. Now I am fortunate enough to have one of the greatest little groups of friends anyone could ask for. We are there for each other in the good, the bad, and the ugly and ready to lend a hand, a shoulder, or a beer. They are truly one of the best groups of people I have ever met in my life and I'm always thankful for their presence and influence in my life. If anyone should be so lucky to know them, they should thank their lucky stars. I know I do. Well, Tuesday I get a text from my new friend telling me that he's heard from "her" and that she had nothing good to say (which I knew was inevitable as soon as I'd heard his sister and she were friends) but instead of it being just about me, he was told that he didn't want to get "mixed up with that crowd, that they were bad news." I was flamed as soon as I heard this. It's one thing to belittle me, but you do not attack my friends and family (some friends ARE family and others might as well be). I knew this was just jealousy on her part, knowing that she used to be involved in this group, but lost her place after several occasions of showing her TRUE colors. My first reaction was to flip out and I was SO ready to track her down and tell her to grow the f**k up, but then I remembered that would be stooping to her low level and I knew I was better than that. There's no point in arguing with a child. Too bad this was a child with a child and one on the way, one would think that would make you grow up but I guess not. I talked this over a little with one of my friends who knows her tricks well and I think she may have been even more angry than me, ready to go on the defense right beside me. It's moments like that that really make me thankful for the friends that I have. Fortunately for us or should I say, fortunate for HER, she doesn't cross our paths often, and in my personal opinion, though I am trying to be the "bigger" person about this, I feel that I'd have issue keeping my mouth shut. I guess this is a case of those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, because I've got just about as much dirt on her as she THINKS she does on me and my friends. She is NO angel, not even close. Fortunately for me, my new friend knows how she is and has a mind of his own to know that she's full of bullsh*t. And likes me enough to not care what she might say. Plus I told him if there's anything he ever hears about me and wants to know the truth, to just come to me and I'll tell him. I've never seen a reason to keep the truth if I'm asked. I guess all in all, I am an adult and she's not, I'm actually on the road to some happiness and she's not. All I can say is good luck and move on, there are far better people out there to make miserable other than me and besides if it's a battle you want to win, go for it, because baby, I'll win the war.