Class of 1998 - 10 Years Later

It's finally become THAT time in one's life when you have to revisit a past that some prefer to forget, some embrace eagerly, and others look at with indifference. I'm talking about High School Reunion time. For me this is bittersweet at best. YHS was a time of definite blind naivete for me. Where I know now that I was a complete mess while I was there, I had several different ideals that I held to myself, places that in my deluded, innocent mind thought I fit in, but never really did. I know I was a nerd, that I have no doubt in, but I wasn't a straight A nerd…don't get me wrong, had I actually applied myself I probably could have been, but I had a serious case of "I don't want to do homework", we all had it one point or another, but I think I developed it in about the 4th grade and never lost it. But in the definition of all other symptoms of being a geek or nerd, I was one. I was a club-joining one at that…audio-visual club (AKA The WYHS Eagle's Eye Television Station – specifically the "remote" reporter and occasional on-air announcement reader), 4-H (which I was in pretty much my WHOLE life thanks to my family and it's something I'm definitely proud of, a lot of what I did in that program never would have happened without it.), helped as a statistician for track, was in the school play, was a writer for "The Broadwalk" school newspaper, a member of "The Aquila" school yearbook staff, and most importantly I was a singer in the Choir. Without choir, I would have spent my high school in complete obscurity and I never would have found the passion of my life. Thanks to someone seeing I could carry a tune when I was about 13 or 14, I made a name for myself at YHS. You might not know me or even my name, but you knew my face and you definitely knew my voice. But while I found something that made me special, I found more that worked hard to beat me down. A lot of people who to my face would act kind but as soon as I turned my back, the knife was dug deep. Mostly this was because not only was a nerd…I was a fat nerd. I really tried hard back then to try and fit in, to try to wear the right clothes, to do the right thing even when it seemed the right thing was the very wrong thing, but as so many other teenagers find, there is just only so much you can do, only so far you can go. And in my mind I thought I was doing it. But looking back now, I know I was sadly mistaken. And like so many others, I really wish I did know then what I do now. I wish I hadn't tried so hard to catch the attention and respect of people who weren't worth mine. I'd like to say that I 'd like to tell them now how they affected me and who I was then but like they weren't really worth the effort then, they're even less worth it now. I honestly should probably thank them. If they had shown me just a little consideration, I might not have turned out the way I have now. So thanks for laughing at me behind my back, for the snide comments under your breath, you think I didn't hear them, but I did, mostly I felt them. It's taken many years, a lot of growing up, and the fortunate luck of finding real friends to bring me to here. And part of that journey has been in looking back at who I was and who I didn't want to be, a journey that has brought me to who I am today, someone that I am for the most part proud of. A woman with a backbone, a more centered focus in what I want and a definite awareness of what I'll tolerate. I may not be the nerd anymore, but she's still there, a reminder of how far I've come with the help of lessons and support from those who really care about me. I really am luckier than I thought I would be. I may not be the millionaire, I may not be the superstar, I may just be that person who works at the dog bone factory, but atleast I've always been me. And I know when that night finally rolls around to the Class of '98 10 Year High School Reunion, I'll still be me and instead of looking down like I did so many times before, I'll be walking in with my head held high and a smile on my face because where I may have been confused as to who I was and where I fit in before, I know who I am now and I don't need to fit in…approval is no longer needed.

Fortunately, I've been talking to another girl I graduated with and she and I are of an equal mind on this. Neither one of us want to attend a reunion set up by people who treated us like lesser beings all through school. For me those were the people I was striving to impress, but so miserably and in the end luckily, failed. Not only did she suggest having our own reunion of sorts, but the invitation would be extended to ALL students we were friendly with and not limited to those we graduated with, because we had in common the fact that we had several underclassmen as friends. I think this is a GREAT idea and definitely want to be involved with it. So here's to the "anti" reunion!