Men I Have Encountered

I'm starting to realize something now at 26 that I should have realized long ago. I, Jessica Rose Confer, am a dirtbag magnet. And if it's not a dirtbag, it's something extremely close -- the guy old enough to be my dad, the already involved with someone guy, or the married guy. I just don't understand it.
In regards to this first type, there have been times when I have honestly said, "I wish I was a dirtbag." Because, really if you think about it, they have no real standards. The majority will just look for something of the opposite sex, preferably of the same species, though sometimes I think that's just a bonus option. And I don't get why they flock to me -- maybe I'm just too nice, too friendly and they take that as interest, but let me tell you guys -- you're getting the wrong impression! Friendship is one thing -- considering a relationship entirely another! I hate to say this about myself but I'll admit I've probably set my standards a little too high for someone like me. I know I'm no prize and I would like to say that I've never thought that I am "better" than someone else but I can't lie. And you can't tell me that 99.9 % of the people in the world haven't felt that way atleast once in their lives, so unless you're Mother Theresa, don't judge me! I know there are MANY people who have looked down their noses at me in superiority, but even though I pushed myself for their approval in the past -- I'm over it. I kinda like me now. And that's what probably makes me a little picky, but I'm sorry, I can't be attracted to someone who has a rat-tail or mullet, or doesn't know enough to pull up his pants so three-quarters of his asscrack isn't hanging out. I'm sorry but the only moon I'm going to gaze at romantically is the one hanging in the night sky! And I don't think I come across or even look like the kind of girl who would be interested in men like that. In the last few years, I've finally found my niche in style, or would like to think I have. I've conquered thinking that just because I was a bigger girl that I had to hide myself in big, baggy boys clothes and have really embraced the femininity I lacked. And I've finally allowed my greatest "assets" to breathe -- you all know the "girls" like to see the sun too! Finally, I feel like a woman and am enjoying it thoroughly. That's why I don't understand why these men approach me, as snotty as it sounds, and I know it does, we are not on the same level -- mentally or otherwise. I look for someone I can have a real conversation with, someone to snuggle with in the morning and do the crossword together in bed. Does that guy exist?
The next example is too old for me guy -- ok, I like an older guy as much as the next girl, but if you're old enough to have dated my mother and still have been the "older guy" to her -- move on. Yeah, maybe I didn't have the greatest relationship with my dad, hell, I don't think I'd even constitute the acquaintance of father and daughter that we have as a relationship, but despite that, I don't have a "daddy complex." I don't feel the need to replace him, and besides he was replaced at birth by my grandfather, who I now use as the example of the man I hope to find someday. That being said, I don't want to be someone's status symbol (tells all his friends he nailed a chick half his age) nor do I want to be a midlife crisis, buy a sports car, color your hair, grow a mustache, don't bother me! Maybe you think I might be interested because by your being older that makes you wiser, more sophisticated and worldly but honestly it only makes you one thing -- OLDER.
Next on the list is the already-involved guy. These and the married ones are very similar but have significant differences. One being that band of some precious metal and the little piece of paper legally stating you belong to someone else. The already involved guy is usually one who is confused as to whether or not the one he's with is actually "the one", or he's looking to build up his ego by how many girls he can bed before the girlfriend finds out and he has to pull himself out of shit creek because he's drowning in his own BS. I think these guys look for girls like me because they see the vulnerability and low self confidence and prey on it. I'll admit I've succumbed to both of these types of already involveds. I think the first type really affected me because despite the circumstances, he made me feel special, that maybe it wasn't just some physical attraction between us. That one still haunts me and probably always will, the what could have been, the what shouldn't have been, and the way I wish it had really gone. The second one I regret because I know I was just a knotch in his bedpost and while I've moved on from it, I wish there wasn't something to move on from. But we all have those skeletons that we wish would bury themselves under that pile of New Kids on the Block T-shirts and high top sneakers in the back of our closets.
Finally, there's the married guy. These ones are complicated. One reason being that "you can't touch" factor that drives us crazy! One never wants something more than when they're told they can't have it. It's that old "keep your hands out of the cookie jar" problem all over again. And the fact that they've embraced the "commitment" side of life just makes them more desireable. I've sworn to myself that if they have a ring on their finger that I wouldn't even put them into contention for my interest -- but unfortunately the rings don't stop THEM! When someone that I can be attracted to flirts with me -- I'm sorry, I react and, damn it, flirt right back. And as a married man there are just some things you don't say, don't even elude to! They drop the line "I wish we could be more than friends", after they already have you hooked with sweet words. So while they dangle what they have in front of you, all it was to them was teasing. Maybe giving them an ego boost, reassuring them that they still have "it". Well, your wife can keep "it." You gave up all rights to other women the moment you said "I do". Maybe that's why they find it so easy -- they know that even if they get shot down there's always someone at home. So save me the trouble of getting hurt, by you or your wife -- stay home! I admit I fell for one of these pretty hard and it was equally hard when I was dropped 3 months later. Live and learn, grow and be wiser, that's all I can say. Life goes on I hope his wife can really put what he's done behind her. If she can she is a far more forgiving person than I could EVER be. There are no 3 strikes and you're out. No foul balls. All it takes is once and I want you out of my life for good. If I'm not worth following the simple rule of being faithful, then you're not worth my time. Keep it in your pants or keep on moving.
That all being said, maybe I should explain what I am looking for. I'm looking for a guy who takes pride in his appearance and works hard with minimal complaint. One who can hold a decent conversation with just about anyone - especially me, but also knows when words are just too much. One who respects who I am and loves me for it. One who has understanding for my mistakes -- past, present, and future. One who loves what I love, understands what I believe in. One who doesn't feel the need to pretend anything with me or expects any more than what I have to give. One who loves my family, because through thick and thin, rain or shine, they're part of every aspect of my life and always will be. One who likes my friends and can get what it means to be "Shanty for Life." One who likes to read, maybe likes to write, and enjoys learning something new, from each other or from the world. One not afraid of change and not afraid to stay the same either. One who's touch can set me on fire, whose lips give me life and heart wants no other. One who loves music, especially country, and who isn't afraid to sing to me, whether he can carry a tune or not! I know I'm asking a lot here -- an intellectual, romantic, loving, honest, devoted redneck with a little style sense. Is that really a lot to ask for? Apparently so, as I'm still alone. But he's out there, just waiting for me to cross his path. Well, he can find me in Grand Valley, PA...I'll be waiting.