Recapping A Few Weeks

It’s been forever since I’ve sat down and put paper to pen (so to speak) and updated life here in my blog. I’ve thought about it a lot, but just haven’t been inspired to actually put myself to the task. There’s a lot been going on too…so I suppose since I have a bit of time right now I’ll see what I can work out!

A couple of weekends ago, I got the amazing honor of singing with on of my favorite sort of local bands, Black Widow (they’re from Buffalo, NY, but do a lot of shows in PA). I cannot explain the rush of getting to sing with an actual band, on a stage, in front of a decent sized crowd for a bar. I’m not going to say that I haven’t known since I was about 13 years old that this was what I wanted to do with my life, but getting that opportunity just solidified that dream. Yes, I know it will probably always BE a dream, but at least I got a chance to live it for 5 minutes. I wasn’t like I am at karaoke, everyone always gets on me for not being a “performer” at karaoke, I’m sorry that’s not my version of my “rockstar dream”. Mine involves a real stage and a real audience, not that I don’t appreciate the people there, don’t get me wrong on that! I love all of those people who come to see me just do a karaoke tune, but it’s an entirely different vibe to be up there with the lights on you, people dancing and singing a long with you. Definitely different from the days in choir too! I think for me that a lot of the time the best part is knowing that I can totally blow someone’s first impression of me once I have a microphone in my hand. They see that quiet exterior, the typical fat girl, but when I open my mouth and let it go, I can actually see the looks of shock and see total opinions change in a minute. I love that. I’ve loved that since I started singing in high school. The nerd faded away and there before them stood a diva and I don’t mean the J.Lo kind. That’s a feeling that can always bring a smile to my face. One that no one can take away from me and one that I live for every time I sing. I have to extend a big thank you to Lana, the lead singer, for pulling me up on stage that night because I just don’t think I’d have been brave enough to ask to sing, though she had told me before that I should the next time I came out to see them, just based on my singing a line in one of the songs once.

However, the night was not all spotlight and smiles. I was very hurt by someone who I have tried to be understanding about his life since he’s gotten married and started a family. I was totally shunned by him when I walked in the door, I was so excited to see him, smiled and pointed at him and he totally turned away from me. I’d like to say that was the first time he’s broken my heart since he’s made these changes in his life, but it’s not. I didn’t hear his wife had given birth to their daughter until a day or so after and it was from my mother, not him. I have been so hurt by how he’s treated me and the rest of our friends that I’m slowly losing the patience I once had. It has nothing to do with the fact that he’s married or that he has children. I am so happy for him that he’s found all of these wonderful things in his life, but why turn your back on those who have been there every step of the way for YEARS. It breaks my heart to know that he’s not the same person at heart that he used to be. Friends used to mean a lot to him. And while I understand that we don’t come first anymore, I thought we should atleast be in the top ten. I’m so happy for him that he’s found what I know he looked for for a very long time, so happy that he’s found responsibility an easy task, and has settled into a life with his family. I honestly couldn’t be more proud as a friend of the man he’s become. But I can’t understand why that means sacrificing his friends. Until that weekend I hadn’t seen him in months and to be treated that way, I just don’t know how I’m going to come back from it. And I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. It’s a pretty resounding opinion among those who in their hearts still love them, despite how we’ve been treated. I guess we just miss him. I do wish him the best with his family, I do, I would never wish anything bad upon him, because even though I’m hurt and angry, I still love him too. I just really hope that it doesn’t take what it took before to get us all together again. None of us want to make that sacrifice again.

The next day was much more exciting! Started off my morning with an “adult” party…won the door prize game too! They are great fun, that was, I think, my fourth party, I even hosted one for my friends last summer. I’ve never been one for the “toys” but they are so funny to go to and watch the reactions of the people who have never been to one before. Later on, Britt, Rich, Dustin, Desi, Ryan, Nicole and myself all hit the road to Erie to watch Seether, Breaking Benjamin, and Three Days Grace with opening act Neverset. It was an awesome concert and I highly recommend it for anyone who likes alternative/rock music. Definitely a different vibe than a country music concert. My only real complaints were that it was WAY too hot and stuffy in the Civic Center, that too many people in this world have become rude and ignorant, and that none of the bands really seemed to be out on stage very long. Atleast not long enough for me. I was impressed enough with the opening act to get a few of their songs from iTunes and then got the whole CD from Dustin and put it on my iPod. Neverset definitely seems like an up and comer! They had a very high energy performance and were very open to interacting with the concert-goers. Nicole had her picture taken with the guitar player and I overheard people saying they were autographing stuff too. That’s what I love about newer bands. They take time for the fans. Definitely one reason why I LOVE Alter Bridge! They take the time for pictures, autographs, you name it. And seem to genuinely want to know their fans. If I ever get the chance to have fans, I know that’s how I’ll be!

After that weekend of nonstop music, Dustin and I were both inspired and started talking (texting, haha) about getting something together to showcase us both. We are of an equal passion and love of music, though we’re lovers of different genres. And I’d have to say we’re of pretty equal talent, though mine is vocal and his is guitar (though he has a pretty decent voice too!). We finally came to the conclusion that based on our work schedules the best we could work out would be an acoustic show, because that would be just the two of us and we wouldn’t have to worry about working around other schedules too. We both work second shift, so it’ll be a lot of mornings and weekends. I’ve spent the last week researching different songs that I thought would be good acoustically, both for us to sing as duets and as solos. I have to tell you, that for the first time since I’ve been involved in a project like this, I actually feel like this one might work out. I’m very excited about the prospect of making a dent in that dream! So far we’re both just working on the basics, learning some songs, him on the guitar and me lyrically. I can’t wait to update this and tell you all of our first show! I kind of joked to Dustin that if we’re good enough by then, maybe we can “open” for Black Widow on my birthday in June! I’ll keep you all posted!

As for anything else, let’s see…still working away at the dog bone factory, though things are kind of slowing down again. I always get concerned when I see that curing room empty! But we’re still plugging away at the pig ears with big orders, so hopefully that will continue to sustain us! Rich and I are doing pretty well. He puts up with a lot of crap from me. I admit it, I’m mean to him sometimes, I even tell him that I’m sorry for being mean and he tells me he doesn’t think I was…makes me think that whoever had him before must have been a RAGING bitch for him to not think I’m being one! I think to a point, it's me unconciously testing the limits of what he'll put up with, which I think is wrong and try to check myself when I realize I'm doing it. He’s such a sweetheart, he’s been working a lot but still finds a little bit of time for me and has even but in a lot of work to make sure my own car was safe. My cousins keep thinking that I don’t actually like him for a boyfriend, that I just like being a couple. But they’re wrong. It’s just that with my last boyfriend I was different, but I also had about a year to develop feelings for him before we even started seeing each other. I’ve only known Rich about 2 months (2 months April 15th) and I’m still building on my affection, attraction, and feelings for him. I’m still getting to know him. It takes time. I’m not in love yet, I’m not infatuated this time. I’m actually in the beginning still, straight out of the gate. We weren’t friends before we started dating like with my ex-boyfriend, Ben. My only disappointment in our relationship is that it feels like the honeymoon period was over too quickly. Honestly, it feels like he’s always been there, that he’s just always been around, I’m already comfortable in the relationship. I miss the excitement of it being new, though it still is, but it’s already gone. I am happy with him though. He’s sweet and so good to me and even to my family (helped my grandfather work on his truck). I just need some more time.

We had the first “fire” party of the season though it ended up a garage party. Always great to get together in a relaxed atmosphere, no reason to get all dolled up and just hang out with some GREAT friends. I’m so glad that it’s that time of year again, or rather in my opinion, those times of year again. First, I had that initial signal that the good weather was on it’s way when I heard those peepers for the first time, gotta tell you – love that sound! Means summer is just down the road! Then that other just WONDERFUL season that Pennsylvanians are so damn familiar with – road construction season! I could write a whole blog on it’s own about how road construction pisses me off. What is the necessity of closing off a whole side of a 2 lane road when you’re not doing anything on it and closing it for a week at that? That just blows my damn mind! Hate it! But it’s just the beginning I’m well aware of and will just have to grin and bear it! And leave for work earlier!

Well, I guess that’s it for now. Hell, I’ve written a novel here! Hopefully I can keep up with it a little better now!