Best Friends Or Lack Thereof

Sometimes, okay, well, most of the time, I wonder if I have a "best" friend. I know a lot of people consider their significant other their best friend, but Rich and I are definitely not there yet. Some consider their sibling their best friend…I didn't grow up with any of my siblings in the same house and while I am close (and getting closer to others) to some of them, we never had that kind of relationship. For some people it's someone they grew up with, known since childhood, but that's not it for me either. Nor is it a school friend for me, most of my time in school was spent being the third wheel to two best friends, I never really was a best friend. I've been thinking about this for awhile and I have to admit, it makes me a little sad to realize that I don't have that someone that I tell every little thing to. For me to be best friends means it's felt by both sides. I guess it's kinda the same way I view being in love. You can't be in love unless it's felt by both people. Atleast not in REAL love. So I guess I feel that you can't be a REAL best friend unless the other person feels the same way. Don't get me wrong I have some really great close friends, but I just don't think I've ever in my life had a real best friend. In some cases, I thought I did and the situation got confused by other things and changed the relationship. Now I know at 27, this might seem childish, but I have felt like a third wheel pretty much my whole life. To friends and to family. Kinda makes me feel lonely to know that I don't have that someone for me. Maybe someday it will be Rich and I would really like to consider him more than just my boyfriend, I'd really like him to be a confidante and friend and would like to give him the same, but we just aren't quite there yet. I know you can have more than one, but it gets hard when you feel like you're shut out by another. Makes you feel like you don't count as much as you thought. It's lonely out here without that someone to talk to, that someone you open up to. I used to have that, but I just don't feel like I count like that to some people anymore. I'm not saying I'm jealous, or maybe I am, but I'm not begrudging anyone that person who makes it easier by being there. Just wish I had that someone for me again...