A Little Too Ironic...Yes I Really Do Think!

Just to recap as I always do…I’m going to start with last Friday night because despite everyone’s desire to soothe my fears, it ain’t happening. Sorry, maybe I’m just a little bit more openly sensitive about things than the rest of the family is trying to be, but I can’t help myself. Last Friday I get a text message from my cousin, Stephanie, asking me if I’d “heard about gramps?” Instantly I get a nasty feeling in the pit of my stomach. No, I hadn’t heard anything about him that had given any cause to be concerned, so I asked what was up. I get a message back from her saying, there’s a possibility he has colon cancer but we’re not supposed to say anything about it, especially to gram because it might cause her to overload on stress and have another stroke. Instantly I am heartbroken, it was like getting kicked in the face with a steel toed boot. That’s not my grandpa you’re talking about there. That’s my DAD. That’s the guy who’d be walking me down the aisle someday. I tried really hard to keep my cool for awhile because I was at Clearview and didn’t want to make a scene there, but later on I couldn’t help myself as I laid there in bed thinking about everything and just unleashed the tears. Woke up poor Rich who sweetly held me as I sobbed like my heart was broken. Which in a way, it was. To think of him not there is something I try hard to ignore. I know he’s mortal just like any other person, but it’s hard not to think that your heroes won’t live forever. That goes for my Gram too. The day I don’t have either one of them in my life is one a piece of me will be gone too. After I tried to calm myself, I realized it wasn’t going to happen so I got out of bed and crawled in with my mom and woke her up at about 3am wanting some answers, something to take the feeling of dread that I couldn’t shake. She told me go back to bed and she’d get to the bottom of it by morning and that if it were really all that serious, they wouldn’t have sent him home after his cataract surgery. That they would have kept him there for further tests instead of sending him home and saying that they’d give him a colonoscopy after his second eye surgery next month. That made me feel better, but still even the possibility of that little word, cancer, is enough to strike fear into the hearts of anyone, whether personally afflicted or otherwise. My papa is my dad, he’s my hero. It’s hard not to get scared. But so far, with the thought of him not being held at the hospital, I have felt a little better. If it were serious they’d have kept him right? I’ll be sure to keep you all updated on the progress with this.

The next day was my sister, Nicole’s, graduation party. It wasn’t a total bust due to the weather but it was definitely held back by it. It was really great seeing so many of my friends together since it’s so difficult to get us all in the same room these days. It’s crazy to believe that she’s graduated from college. Seems like just yesterday I was helping her move in and climbing up eighty million stairs carrying TVs and boxes…crazy how time flies.

Today was a mixed up day, let me tell ya! First of all I slept way too late and thought I’d missed my chance to have lunch with my sister, Kristi, but fortunately we still worked it out. I have to say I was a little scared that it would be awkward and that we wouldn’t have anything to say to each other but it was the opposite and I had a really great time talking to her and meeting her adorable son, Konnor. He was so cute and entertaining and I was so happy to finally meet him. We had an hour or so of great conversation and pretty good food down at Clearview and agreed that we would try to do it atleast once a month. I really look forward to getting to know her better and feel so lucky that I got a good one for a sister!

But this is where the day gets ironic…this weekend marks the true beginning of my relationship with my ex-boyfriend. Nothing too special in that…hell I didn’t even want to acknowledge the day but when I got to work, two of my fellow employees took upon themselves to remind me, hey, today’s the day Ben quit! Gee, thanks, just what I wanted to remember…a lying, cheating bastard! *Sigh* But that’s not the best part! Literally not more than fifteen or twenty minutes later I’m out getting my lunch and putting gas in my car before the price goes through the roof this weekend when low and behold, who should pull in to the gas station after me? Ben! Honestly, I couldn’t help but laugh a little and think ‘you’ve got to be fuckin’ kidding me” (sorry for the f-bomb, but that’s exact thoughts). I didn’t look at him, I didn’t talk to him, didn’t acknowledge his presence but paid for my gas and pop and went out the door with a repeat of the previous though and giggled to myself as I walked back over to my car. Today of all days!? Come ON!! I tell ya…life is too effin IRONIC. Alanis had it down…I definitely DO think!

But I digress…besides I don’t wish him too awful of a life. He’s got to live with himself and what he’s done. He’s got to live the life he’s made for himself. I don’t wish him ill will. Not to him or to his wife. I’d kinda like it if he fell off the face of the earth, but I’ll take what I can get and a little misery would be alright. I didn’t waste hardly any tears on him so I guess it didn’t mean that much anyway. Sounds like I’m trying to convince myself of that huh? Nah, I just have had enough time to think of what our relationship entailed and it’s not really worth getting worked up over…obviously it didn’t mean that much to him, so why should it to me? Besides, I’m with a great guy now. One that’s pretty much devoted to me and really for the most part makes me happy. One that doesn’t have someone on the side! I can share like the best of them, but there are just some things you just don’t want to share and your boyfriend is one of them, that’s for sure. Honestly, I’m still giggling a little at the thought of seeing him today, again, today of all days! Like a good swift kick in the butt…didn’t see it coming, didn’t like it, but it was kind of funny.

I suppose, I should do something a bit more productive than this, so I’ll sign off for now. Keep you all posted on what’s going on in my twisted ironic life! Keep coming back for more!