Look In The Mirror...What Do You See?

*Sigh* It's been a bit of a stressful week. Shouldn't have been and I should not have let this bother me but due to prior experience, of course it has! Earlier this week, the girl who I previously stated had made an effort to derail my budding relationship with Rich, has once again reared her ugly head and made yet another attempt at ruining what has the potential to be something really special. Unlike her, I will once again not use her name because I have more respect for my fellow person than she does obviously. I would not deliberately go out of my way to hurt someone as she has so many countless times in the years that I have known her. I, unlike her, have a heart and a conscience. This time though, instead of saying derogatory things about me and my friends, she has chosen to attack Rich. Now, for those of you who have met or know my boyfriend, you know what a kindhearted, sweet, and giving person he is. He will go out of his way to help perfect strangers if the need calls for it. He is just one of those selfless people who always puts someone else first. I know - I'm so lucky, right!? Honestly, he really is someone who one could easily take advantage of...guess he's a lot like me. Now, she is trying to say that he has another girlfriend, other than me. Now, knowing her and how much of a conniving, deceitful, and lying person she is, I should have let this mis-information just go in one ear and out the other, but due to the fact that in my last relationship that is exactly what happened to me, I couldn't help the wheels of doubt from starting to turn. I couldn't stop those sneaking feelings of suspiciousness and paranoia from seeping into my mind, no matter what I already knew as the truth. And I know how unfair that is to Rich, I shouldn't punish him for the actions of the mistakes I made before, but their mark on my mind and heart have been indelible. He and I have talked about this and were both profoundly upset that she would start such a rumor and to drag his sister in and place all the blame on her. She and his sister are very close friends and the impression I keep getting is that she isn't even giving me a chance and is in cahoots with this girl to make sure he and I don't stay together happily. I've never done anything to her to make her want to destroy this little bit of happiness I've finally found. I know the girl has to be a miserable person, to try and create this drama and malcontent. Seems like the only joy she finds in life is in the pain of others. And as much as I want to confront her, to tell her what I really think of her, to air her dirty laundry for the world. I won't. Why? Because I pity her. Pity her and the life she's leading, the example she sets for her young daughter and child to come. She is still just a child herself to behave the way she does. It's time to grow up and take responsiblity for yourself instead of butting your nose into things you really don't know anything about. We're happy, try and find some of that for yourself. Continuing as you are will only bring more darkness to your heart and if you do, you'll never find anything but that. I'd love to just unleash the anger I had earlier this week, because it's still there. The urge to grab her, shake her, slap her around a little, it's still under the surface of the calm I find now. But I know better and I know the type of person she is. It's a shame she comes from such a nice family and should reflect what her parents taught her instead of trying to hurt so many people with lies. I really do pity her and that's what saves me and her for not doing what I'd really like to. So I forgive you. I forgive you for all the rumors you've started now and from years before. Because those who know the truth, those who know you, know your lies. And those who know you, will never believe a word that comes out of your mouth. Especially anything good. I'd really like to know how you can look at yourself in the mirror every day and not see the ugly person you have become. Your face maybe pretty but inside you're the ugliest person I have ever met. Goodluck in life, you're going to need it.

One positive thing to come out of all of this is it's made me appreciate what I have with Rich just that much more. I think I was already starting to take it all for granted. Like I've said, I thought our honeymoon period was pretty much over in the first week and I went through a period of "grumpiness" with him where I found myself getting annoyed easily, but recently even before this, we started, atleast I did, finding a comfortable place with each other. Like it had been a lot longer than just 2+ months that we'd been together. After this week though, even though those little questioning fears are still lingering a little. I find that I'm appreciating him, just being around him and just what we have. I find myself slowly getting close to the big "L" word. I don't use that term loosely. I used too quickly before and I knew then I wasn't ready for it but said it to make the other happy. Now, I find myself wanting to say it but am afraid to be the first person to do it. Guess we'll have to wait and see. I do know that I care for him a lot and I'm really looking forward to where all of this goes. I know I'm lucky to have someone like Rich in my life. You don't come across men like him that often anymore.